Often times I am mesmerized by the word karma (cycle of cause and effect) and it takes me to think about my poor father. Even though it is long winded story of my father to be told I will just let you all know about his deeds and the fruits that he is enjoying. A seed that my father sowed during his young stay really seems to be an atrocious. I was shocked when I heard that my mother is his fourth wife. There is an exactly twenty four age differences between my father and mother. Who were his all ex-wives? That question I sometimes ask to my father and he said it is none of my business .so even does my mom ask him but he refuses to answer us.
Whatsoever I got some tidings about him and I came to know that his first wife was from his own village and had one son. And then later he got divorced and then he came to west and married a western woman. From there he again had a boy child who is half-brother to me. I met him several times and he used to narrate me a story about father not being there for him when he was in need of him. I came to know that his mother died in a fire accident which took away his all properties and mothers life along with it. At that time my father just walked away from that place and none of them found him. The brother there had lived like an orphanage and faced many difficulties to grow up. I really cannot imagine how he stayed without father and mother when both of them were not seen from the age of four. He told me that if our father had stayed with him and given an education then he won’t be suffering these days. And I realized the value of education after seeing his condition and advices.
He is simply working in a field that he got from his mothers share and does some carpentry works. He said life for him was very challenging and I sometimes feel like he is blaming to our father and I even thinks that he was right. I am sure that my father was really disobedient to his poor son. And from there again he married one woman from east side of our country which is supposed to be his third wife and came to my mother place. The people living there still today tell the story of the third wife. How my father used to treat her. An awful treatment was he did when he gets drunk to his wife and they even told me how he beats the son of the wife. When I refer to the son of wife I mean to say that he was not his own son. My father was step to that fellow brother. And my mother even saw him getting drunk and having problems with the family he was living at that time.
My mother at that time was too young and even now when she narrates me story of the fathers condition I just feel like she is cracking a joke though it a fact that the third wife of my father had to leave him and went to other place that he didn’t find her at all. He went in search of her but he could not find her and returned there unhappily. And the funniest thing is he punished late my grandfather just because my late grandfather let one of the prisoners to live in our house when he ran out from the prison. Even he had punished most of the people from our community and now he had to rely on them. How cruel is the world for him now. I really cannot think of it when now he had to face them smiling after showing his cruel face once.
I know that my father had served the nation for almost 35 years in service being harsh on people as he had to during all those hard times. Everyone says me that he was a strict and loyal to his job. But I wonder why he was not recognized and got a little promotions and recognition. He didn’t get anything except his pension worth twenty seven thousand. And right now he is serving as cook in the dratsang for he is too old to work in field and from that he earns little for our family. He doesn’t have choice to do other jobs than he does now .There was no option rather than doing this simple job for the family. He is speechless and bit dedicated to his work.
As a son from a humble family people thinks that I should act and do things to their aspirations. To live my live with others aspiration is like something artificial for me. I know all about it but I don’t speak out. I just try to keep inside and working towards it. I stand as a proud son of my humble parents. I know that people there has many expects from me to raise my family and make their head to rise up. People sometimes suggest me to act humbly but I really don’t do that and some unknowns’ thinks that I am from a well of family. I can understand that they are humble but I don’t know where my fate will take me and it is my way that I have chosen to live or else it always make me to bow . So I chose the way I live now and it somehow makes me feel good. We are responsible for our own happiness and we don’t have to rely on others suggestions. As a spiritual follower I believe in karma and I just hope for all those things to happen. I should say that we face problems but not that much. We have almost enough to feed on. I just compared our living with the people living without foods and shelters and got a pride to stand in fortunate family to I belong.
I know that my father would be turning sixty six next year and actually it is time that he take rest and chant prayers yet he had to work for the family. I just can blame on his past deeds. The karmic forces that keep on following us like our own shadow. The deeds he had in his earlier life and at his young age is letting him to be in a situation he is now. I always pray and wish for his good life later. May all his bad deeds be erased during his living and all his good deeds follow upon him for every step he moves on. For me I was very fortunate that I got a father and mother who are very concerned about me. I have all peace and supports from them to stand as a man who never bows his head down. I thank him for everything he gave me. I should say that I had a cool father and had all my best time with him. When I am just far from him I just think of his well being as he is old now. I worry about him a lot than my mother.
For my father’s lifetime he had his own karma that played with his life and I have my own to play on. Having all those faith in the cyclic existence and the forces let me owe to my father being the spirit that I had to believe in karma. I came to know about the repercussion of the action. I will pray for all the blind people to have a vision in this world of karma. Guide your own mind and do good as you can. Try to know the purpose of living and being born in this world. I guess that should be the reminder and question that you all should be keeping in touch with. I believe that we are born to have a faith in karma. It can always be a best method to live with life. Let the accumulation of all merits be the goal of our stay in this world of illusions and let the tangible results we will be seeing later and enjoying be all the fruits of the seed sown in the monsoon.****************
**********Thank you ************